Deresiewicz, William.
“A Man. A Woman. Just Friends?” New York
Times. 7 April. 2012. Web
11 April. 2012
McGinty Kirsten, Knox
David, Zusman Marty E. “Friends With Benefits:Women want
“Friends”, Men Want “Benefits.”. College Student Journal, 41.4 (2007):
1128-31. EBSCO
host. Web. 4 April. 2012
Olsen, Morgan. “Friends with Benefits — or Consequences?” The
Daily Iowan. April, 2010.
Web 25 April. 2012
Somepeople find themselves in a situation when they are single and do not have someone to share sexual experiences with and they choose to have a sexual relationship with a friend. Young adults would like to be physically intimate with someone, but you’re not interested in strangers and one-night stands and you have a friend with whom you’ve always shared a mutual attraction. This friend is also more interested in the physical aspects of a relationship. Why not become “friends with benefits” – friends who occasionally engage in non-committal sex? Isn’t this the best way to satisfy both of your needs without having to deal with the more complicated parts of relationships? Some people believe it is.
Others, however, believe that the FWB arrangements aren’t as gratifying and easy as they seem to be. And while some people can maintain casual sexual relationships, just as many can’t. In the long run, the benefits of having a friend with benefits may not outweigh the costs.
This idea is not as a common as one might think. A survey conducted at a large southeastern university revealed interesting facts. In a confidential and anonymous questionnaire participants answered twenty-three questions assessing the attitudes and differences of involvement in this type of relationship. Women and men tended to differ in their idea the meaning of “FWB” relationship. Women viewed the relationship as sentimental with close emotional involvement, with the stress on “friends”. Men on the other hand tended to view the relationship as one based more on casual sex rather than friendship. The questionnaire was given to a 170 students. 75% were female and 25% were male. The average age was 20 years old. Out of the 170 students, 86.5% were white, 13.5% were non-white. 57.3% of the respondents said that they have been FWB relationships. This percentage was split roughly in half between men and women.
This new trend seems to differ from the past. Close casual friendships between men and women was rarely seen in traditional society. Aside from certain types of relationships, friendships between men and women was unknown in Western society as it still is in many parts of the world. This changed with the emergence Mary Wollstonecraft. In the late 18th century she became known as the mother of feminism. While she believed platonic relationships could lead to sexual mischief, she held the opinion that “friendship” is important to the road to marriage. The new woman was smart, literate and independent. She believed that friendships with men, aside from the sex, had to involve a certain amount of mental compatibility, mutual respect and equality.
I believe that although this type of relationship is becoming more and more acceptable in today’s society, the negatives outweigh the positives. There are several reasons why FWB is not a good idea. One reason is that whether you are not motivated to date or are afraid of being hurt, the relationship can become a crutch. This means that a person might not try to work on their social and conversation skills in order to meet new people and rely on the fact that they can have their sexual needs met without having to put themselves in an emotionally vulnerable situation.
A good relationship is based on both partners giving and sharing, but this type of relationship is more about taking. This tends to be true concerning men more than women. Men tend to view this relationship as a way of getting more sexual gratification without investing emotions. As a women tends to want more of an emotional commitment from men this will more likely lead to friction and potential loss of the friendship. Sex oftentimes replaces other aspects of the relationship that you once enjoyed, like long weekend brunches or regular movie nights, not to mention the friendship itself.
While sex creates more intimacy, it also invites more vulnerability, which can confuse non-commitment agreement in the relationship. Relationships tend to change from the way they began, they either progress into something deeper or regress into something less. While the friendship may have started with a mutual respect and physical attraction, as time goes on women will want more than just the physical part and when men do not feel the same way, feelings will be hurt. If one person is hoping for a real relationship and the other isn’t, your
friendship may be destroyed altogether with the result being jealousy and resentment.
There’s also the guilt of putting a hold on the FWB friendship when a more serious opportunity comes along. When this doesn’t work out the person feels guilty for going back to the FWB. Even though it’s a mutual relationship, sometimes it feels wrong. This happens when the insecurity of a person does not allow them to be able to move on and find a more emotionally fulfilling relationship with someone that could offer them the deeper satisfaction that they miss. Therefore, always keeping the other person as a back-up.
Another major reason why not to be friends with benefits is the issue of getting STDS (sexually transmitted diseases). When one partner (usually the man) views this relationship as casual sex, he will tend to try and replicate this with other women. This can raise the risk of getting and transmitting STDS. In today society this can be a lot worse than just getting Crabs, Gonorrhea, chlamydia or Syphilis. The epidemic of A.I.D.S looms greatly in our society, making unprotected sex a life threatening experience.
In order to avoid the risks of this type of relationship one should work on fixing the issues keep them from having a more serious and fulfilling relationship. One issue may be lack of being able to express yourself and communication skills. Some people finding very difficult, to talk about themselves choosing to avoid intimate secretive topics. This can keep the person in a FWB relationships because they don’t have to venture into emotionally risky topics of conversation. Fear of emotional intimacy, where one person can’t seem to invest his emotions in someone else for fear of being hurt or abandoned, is another strong reason for FWB. Most issues can be worked out with the help of a professional counselor or priest. These professionals may be able to assist the person in finding the true cause of the reasons why they are unable to have a monogamist, serious and committed relationship with another person. Some of the reasons may come from some bad experience or childhood or lack of self-esteem. If successful the person can learn to value themselves as being more than a FWB and demand more of a complete relationship
For this argument essay i will wirte about “friends with benefits: women wants friends, men wants benefits.
Ethnography profile
Portuguese Single mothers
The life of a single mother is very difficult. This is made worse when you are a single mother in a country that’s not the one you were raised in. The job of raising a child in a new country with different customs, while trying to hold on to their own ethnic cultural values, has to be one of the most challenging jobs there is. I personally, have a number of Portuguese female friends that are raising children by themselves. I see the challenges they face every day. One of those friends is Natalie De Sousa from P. Delgada Azores, Portugal who now lives in New Bedford MA. She came from Portugal 5 (five) years ago with her husband and her 5(five) year old daughter Lucy. Not too long after that, her husband left her leaving her to raise her daughter on her own. I intend on describing how she manages to raise her daughter while maintaining her job and herself. I also want to describe what if any influence, does her Portuguese culture has on her.
Today, March 13, 2012 and it is 7:30 AM I am with Natalie De Sousa in her home, which is located at 56 State St in New Bedford MA. Natalie is a 25 (twenty-five) year old women whose physical features are typical of Portuguese women from the Ponta Delgada area. She is not too tall being 5’1” is somewhat typical of Portuguese women. Her hair is raven black and smooth as silk. Her eyes, which are dark brown being friendly and inviting, seem to put people at ease. Her form of dress is simple yet it shows that she does not have to dress elegant to look good. Today she is wearing blue jeans with a white t-shirt and sneakers which could be considered very casual, yet she stills radiates a natural beauty. She combines styles from Portugal as well as styles from the American Culture. In her own way she is very beautiful, not needing a lot of makeup to show of her features. She is low key hard working and caring individual, whose warm personality shows itself no matter where she is.
As I walk into Natalie’s home the first thing that catches my eye is the big picture of Jesus Christ which is hanging on the wall over the mantle in the living room. As I looked around the room, I noticed that her form of decoration is strongly influenced by her Portuguese culture. She has paintings on the walls which show sceneries from her country depicting, beautiful flowers and objects that are specific to the area that she has raised. One painting that particularly caught my eye was one of field filled with a special flower called Novelao. This flower which is only found in the Azores Blooms only in the spring. Its petals of this flower have a vibrant blue of white. The aroma it gives off is so sweet and strong that it fills the air and when you smelled it reminds me of spring time.
As most Portuguese women, who enjoy spending their time involving themselves in creative activities such as sewing, painting, gardening, as well as some certain social activities, Natalie is active in the art of pottery, making that has been in her family for generations. This pots which are made of clay are adorned which some of the most beautiful images that I have ever seen. The images of the pots are ones that shows life in the area that she is from. Scenes like fishermen pulling up their nets full of fish, also maps of the islands as well as beautiful landscape sceneries. She is also a member of the Luso-American social club where she gathers once a week with her friends to play cards and sing Portuguese folk songs. This is one of her ways of maintaining a connection with her culture. On Sundays she attends church maintaining her catholic beliefs.
As I begin this interview, Natalie insists on making us a cup of Portuguese espresso, typical of the Portuguese culture. I ask her to go through her schedule on a typical day. She then proceeds to tell me how her day begins. She gets up at 5am and starts the coffee maker, she then gets in the shower and gets ready for the day. She allows Lucy to sleep until she has had her cup of coffee. Being a normal child, Lucy is always testing her mother’s patience. She doesn’t like to get up early to go to school, always making Natalie almost late for work. Natalie however, wakes her by singing a Portuguese song. Natalie always seem to wake up in a good mood. Once she has gotten herself together and has prepared lucy’s things for the day, she then wakes and gets her ready. Around 7:30 she drops her daughter off at school, where the Lucy will stay until after 4pm. By 8 am Natalie is at her job, at a bridal shop, where she is a seamstress. She is there until 4pm. She then picks her daughter up and takes her to see her grandmother for an hour daily. Natalie believes this is very important and transferring her culture down from her ancestors to her daughter. Her grandmother constantly tells Lucy stories about the old country and teaches her many things about her heritage that only a grandmother can. After an hour or so Natalie and her daughter return home so then Natalie can prepare a delicious home cooked Portuguese meal.
The first thing Natalie does when she gets home is to empty out Lucy’s backpack cleaning it out and putting in what she needs for the next day. She then sits Lucy down and has her practice her numbers and letters. While Lucy is doing this, Natalie begins her dinner which usually consists of some sort of dish from Portugal. Today the dish is fish head soup. Natalie is aware that there will come a time when Lucy will be corrupted by the American Culture of fast food. She intends on keeping her on her culturally home cooked meals for as long possible.
Natalie came to the USA looking for a better life that she has found. She is realizing however that being a single parent is made a lot more difficult when you don’t have a good paying job. Not being a high school graduate has kept Natalie from pursuing an education of which she is now realizing that is very important not only for herself but for her daughter’s future as well. She intends on enrolling in a GED program. She plans to use this as a stepping stone for her to continue to pursue an education to be a nurse. Something that she has wanted to do ever since she was a little kid.
As I finish my interview with Natalie I find myself respecting and admiring her more than ever. Here is a woman whose life is completely different than how she imagine it would be five years ago. The obstacles and problems in her life have not taking away that beautiful spirit that she has inside. If anything they have made her stronger, more independent and more determine to succeed in life not just for her but for the sake of her daughter who she wants to grow up to be a happy well rounded adult.
From what i understood, this article was about the author being a “supposed expert” in child raising. She thought that she had the correct plan for people to follow if they want it the children to turn out to be great adults. However after following her own advice while raising her son, she found that all the love education and support does not guarantee that he will turn out the way she wanted. She had to learn to accept this fact and love him anyways.
This story is about a woman who had recently lost her mother to cancer. She found herself in a dangerous situation with a stranger who picked her up in a cafe. Because of the way othat she was raised she was not taugh to grieve in a proper way. Through out her life she had lost people that she knew. Her grieving seemed to show it self in her reckless sexual behavior.
Get used to living with Mom and Dad
This article talks about how more children are living with their parents longer once they become adults . This trend seems to be the same in a lot of different countries because we live in a global economy that has a lot more people than available jobs. This makes it harder for young adults to make on their on because of less jobs and the jobs that are out there pay less.
Single mothers
For this essay I am choosing to write about Natalie De Sousa from P. Delgada Azores, Portugal who now lives in New Bedford MA. She came from Portugal 5 (five) years ago with her husband and her 5(five) year old daughter Lucy. Not too long after that, her husband left her leaving her to raise her daughter on her own. I intend to see how she manages to raise her daughter maintain her job and herself and what, if any influence, does her Portuguese culture has on her.
Today, March 13, 2012 and it is 7:30 AM I am with Natalie De Sousa in her home, which is located at 56 State St in New Bedford MA. Natalie is a 25 (twenty-five) year old women whose physical features are typical of Portuguese women from the Ponta Delgada area. She is not too tall being 5’1” is somewhat typical of Portuguese women. Her hair is raven black and smooth as silk. Her eyes, which are dark brown being friendly and inviting, seem to put people at ease. Her form of dress is simple yet it shows that she does not have to dress elegant to look good. She combines styles from Portugal as well as styles from the American Culture. In her own way she is very beautiful, not needing a lot of makeup to show of her features. She is low key hard working and caring individual, whose warm personality shows itself no matter where she is.
As I walk into Natalie’s home the first thing that catches my eye is the big picture of Jesus Christ which is hanging on the wall over the mantle in the living room. As I looked around the room, I noticed that her form of decoration is strongly influenced by her Portuguese culture. She has paintings on the walls which show sceneries from her country depicting, beautiful flowers and objects that are specific to the area that she has raised. One painting that particularly caught my eye was one of field filled with a special flower called Novelao. This flower which is only found in the Azores Blooms only in the spring. Its petals of this flower have a vibrant blue of white. The aroma it gives off is so sweet and strong that it fills the air and when you smelled it reminds me of spring time.
As most Portuguese women, who enjoy spending their time involving themselves in creative activities such as sewing, painting, gardening, as well as some certain social activities, Natalie is active in the art of pottery, making that has been in her family for generations. This pots which are made of clay are adorned which some of the most beautiful images that I have ever seen. The images of the pots are ones that shows life in the area that she is from. Scenes like fishermen pulling up their nets full of fish, also maps of the islands as well as beautiful landscape sceneries. She is also a member of the Luso-American social club where she gathers once a week with her friends to play cards and sing Portuguese folk songs. This is one of her ways of maintaining a connection with her culture. On Sundays she attends church maintaining her catholic beliefs.
As a begin this interview, Natalie insists on making us a cup of Portuguese espresso, typical of the Portuguese culture. I ask her to go through her schedule on a typical day. She then proceeds to tell me how her day begins. She gets up at 5am and starts the coffee maker, she then gets in the shower and gets ready for the day. She allows Lucy to sleep until she has had her cup of coffee. Once she has gotten herself together and has prepared lucy’s things for the day, she then wakes and gets her ready. Around 7:30 she drops her daughter off at school, where the Lucy will stay until after 4pm. By 8 am Natalie is at her job, at a bridal shop, where she is a seamstress. She is there until 4pm. She then picks her daughter up and takes her to see her grandmother for an hour daily. Natalie believes this is very important and transferring her culture down from her ancestors to her daughter. Her grandmother constantly tells Lucy stories about the old country and teaches her many things about her heritage that only a grandmother can. After an hour or so Natalie and her daughter return home so then Natalie can prepare a delicious home cooked Portuguese meal.
The first thing Natalie does when she gets home is to empty out Lucy’s backpack cleaning it out and putting in what she needs for the next day. She then sits Lucy down and has her practice her numbers and letters. While Lucy is doing this, Natalie begins her dinner which usually consists of some sort of dish from Portugal. Today the dish is fish head soup. Natalie is aware that there will come a time when Lucy will be corrupted by the American Culture of fast food. She intends on keeping her on her culturally home cooked meals for as long possible.
Natalie came to the USA looking for a better life that she has found. She is realizing however that being a single parent is made a lot more difficult when you don’t have a good paying job. Not being a high school graduate has kept Natalie from pursuing an education of which she is now realizing that is very important not only for herself but for her daughter’s future as well. She intends on enrolling in a GED program. She plans to use this as a stepping stone for her to continue to pursue an education to be a nurse. Something that she has wanted to do ever since she was a little kid.
As I finish my interview with Natalie I find myself respecting and admiring her more than ever. Here is a woman whose life is completely different than how she imagine it would be five years ago. The obstacles and problems in her life have not taking away that beautiful spirit that she has inside. If anything they have made her stronger, more independent and more determine to succeed in life not just for her but for the sake of her daughter who she wants to grow up to be a happy well rounded adult.
This article describes how therapy has evolved from a one on one therapy session. describing the difficulties and challenges in dealing with to individuals and the issues that they are facing.
The article shows how a good therapist can no longer sit, listen and basically ask the client “how longer have you been feeling like this?” They now have to have a more active role in the solution process.
Helping both spouses without taking sides of either one.
© 2012 College Writing Provided by WPMU DEV -The WordPress Experts
Daisy Rae Gemini developed by Root.
Hosted by Edublogs.org.
